-mumble talks-

[this writing is made using the daily writing prompt as an attempt to get back into writing]

The concept of spirituality and its importance is always going to be contested. What I can say is that spirituality is a practice. It takes effort in brewing and maintaining spirituality. Spirituality is not an innate property that everyone is born with. Sure, you may be born into a certain belief. However, if you do not practice and seek it yourself, that belief would just become hollow spirituality.

I personally was born into a Muslim family. I would say my family was a moderate Muslim. My mom did not even wear hijab until she’s well into her 40s (or maybe even her 50s?). I grew up learning the values of Islam not from my parents, but rather from school and Quran extracurricular. As I wasn’t taught what it meant to be spiritual (or be a believer), my focus was really just to ace the academic challenge presented with learning my religion through the school subject ant the extracurricular. I wish it was different, but anyway.. Yeah, that’s me.

When I was in high school, I wanted something so so bad that I started to hope and pray diligently. There’s not a single free time that I didn’t use to wish for what I wanted to come true. My head and heart was filled with nervousness, expectation, but at the same time.. submission. Looking back, I think I learned what spirituality meant through that experience. Then, life happened..

Nowadays, I found myself lost. I have not truly want anything to that degree of extreme anymore. So I stopped really asking. However, I’m not satisfied with the current state as well. Still, I just go on through the motion. A little bit of complaint, a little bit of gratitude, but never enough to push myself to “seek” further. Now I lie awake thinking, should I?