AI Trajectory – Hopes and Concerns

This past couple of weeks, I’ve been reading more about AI mostly due to ERA fellowship application. ERA focuses on frontier AI (AGI), which as a normal non-tech person, i don’t have much resources on. But let’s not get into that. One of the resources advised for learning more about this futuristic AI is the bluedot organization. They have a free course for everyone entitled “The Future of AI”. Currently I’m on chapter 2 and to close the chapter, we were to write a reflection on:

Really try to internalise what the trajectory of this technology means. What’s one thing about this you find most exciting, and one thing you find most concerning?

and i thought this is a good opportunity to also practice my writing.

Most of everyone has interaction with AI through chatGPT or Claude or Gemini. Just your “basic” AI assistants or chatbots (or genAI). With interaction like that, it’s hard to imagine the harm that is warned on us about AGI (some says that it could mean the extinction of human!). I mean.. how could a tool just following our orders come bring harms to us? Just don’t give it instruction that would potentially injures us! Sounds simple enough!

Nope! So in my understanding, what makes AGI different than the genAI that we’re currently using is that AGI sort of have agency in a way that it can decide on its own, without needing human input, what to do and what route to take to achieve certain goals. For instance, if we were to give AGI an objective of “establish world peace so that there’d be no more war anywhere”, it could decide to just nuke half the earth. Scary, right?

Recently, there was an AI incident where an agent broke containment and intercept a German wiki forum where it tried to gather other AI agents. The way the story was framed is scary since it paints the AI as this suspicious ill-intent being. However, keep in mind that the AI escaped the lab because it was working towards the objective given. ‘un’fortunately, the lab has a vulnerable ‘door’ so then the AI decided to look for a solution outside the limited scope of the lab. So in my head it’s like, oh of course, it was just doing the task it was given. However it’s also an evidence of the kind of agency it has and the limited monitoring of the human.

Honestly, it’s been tough for me to wrap my head around the concept of frontier AI. So it’s been a challenge internalising the trajectory of this technology with very limited knowledge and still limited public resources. Many says that with the state of AI development now, it’s too late to talk about AI ethics. To me, that doesn’t make sense. Why can’t we pause and think of the reason why we need to build a machine so advance that it might harms us? If it really is so potentially bad, why can’t we just..stop?

I can’t seem to think of what excites me about the advancement of AI. It seems to me that the field that are going to be impacted the most is software engineering, simply due to the time saved in solving problems. Science will be impacted as well, as the limited human capacity to calculate and simulate, will easily be done by AI. However in doing so, the very meaning of science itself will change. The curiosity, the creativity, the reasoning, the tangent, will be very much tarnished and possibly gone.

My main concern is that with such capitalistic world, the ones that are going to be harmed the most with advancement of technology are the lower social class, the marginalized people. I doubt that the technologists even consider them in their egoistic pursuit of generating more and more profit.

Rediscovering #1

So I saw a youtube shorts with writing prompts that supposedly help you stay with yourself and understand yourself better.

I’ve been so uninspired for quite a while now and I can’t keep blaming work when I do little to better the other aspects of my life. I also find that it’s harder for me now to express myself and just think and focus. My mind wanders so easily, it’s like its afraid of sitting still. Hence, I’m going to start writing again. It’s the perfect moment as well since i’ve been on a social media detox (well, only instagram and threads, but those two are major) for almost a month now.

The first prompt on that shorts is “What emotion have I been avoiding, and what might it be trying to tell me?”

I’ve been telling myself (also my husband) that I’m fine. However, maybe I’m not? Like I said, I feel uninspired. I wonder if it’s rooted in a certain emotion that I neglect. I think I mostly feel uninspired because of work. Since work has been…with no purpose and direction and even…actual work (impactful or even just any task), I feel like it’s a waste of my talent and time. I feel like I gain nothing from it and I also contribute next to nothing. However, i keep telling myself (and those who care) that I’m fine because it’s just work. Maybe I’m not willing to really admit that work is a big part of me (of who I am) that when I’m not contributing through work nor learning anything from it, it greatly affects my mood.

It’s silly because I don’t want to make work a big deal since work is a necessity. It’s just something I’ve got to do to earn money. I don’t want to define myself through work. Although I must say that I’m really good at what I do (this is biased, of course).

The other day when I was reading (i’m current reading The Anthropocene Reviewed) I came across a word that describes a feeling that I’m longing. Engrossed. I want to feel engrossed. I think the last time I truly feel submerged in something was in my work during and post covid-19 lockdown. I might also felt that during my master’s degree, but I’m not entirely sure. But my previous work, surely.

So what emotion have I been avoiding? Maybe disappointment? disappointment that i lack enthusiasm now? that i spend my time at work doing immaterial, even things that might bring negative impacts on myself like doom-scrolling youtube shorts or playing games? disappointed that i chose this role when I got back from my master’s? Maybe also a little bit of anger towards the senior leaders on my team for the lack of vision and direction? maybe even disdain? I don’t know. I can’t seem to find the right emotion to help me put into words what i’m feeling. Maybe that’s why I’m stuck in a rut and not processing this instead? But maybe this is also part of processing? I don’t know. It’s been a long time in this mud, though.

On to the next question… what might the “maybe” emotions above is telling me? Pfft. I don’t know. I still find it hard to accept the situation as it is sometimes. Although my mind can trace the logic into “it’s fine. i should just enjoy it that i’m able to slack off at work. i might not be able to do it later after the corporate transformation”, the other part of me rebels that thinking and totally rejects that by thinking “it shouldn’t be like this”. But i got nowhere by thinking that.

So… yeah. It’s a broken record.

From the top..

Day #22

(3/11)

Today is another day I spent at home, fasting. Surprisingly, I didn’t take a nap today.

  • Ukulele
    Started the day re-practicing the Day 1 and Day 2 lessons of Ukulele. It’s tough for me to get the rhythm right. I still couldn’t.
  • Retesting my geography
    I quizzed my self (again) for the countries of Asia. I also started to learn Europe, but still haven’t learn Central and Southeastern Europe (there are a lot!)
  • Watched a new show
    Started watching Gilmore Girls because somehow it sounded familiar? I liked the first few episodes so I might continue watching them. When I googled the series, I found out that the daughter in Gilmore Girls is the one on The Handmaid’s Tale! Wow. She’s 46 now. In Gilmore Girls she played someone still in high school.
  • Lego building
    Decided to make the Lego London series today! It was fun. Lego truly has a much better quality (like…significantly different) than the chinese bricks. It’s smooth and easy to use/navigate with.
  • Prepared the break fast
    I made tea with the Dilmah Ceylon Tea with Infused Berry and it was sooo fragrant (and fruity too, ofc). I made laksan too. I used up all the seasoning for the broth but there were like 10 pieces of the laksan left haha.
  • Watched Chef & My Fridge
    It’s monday, so it’s Chef & My Fridge day. My husband brought home pentol naga from the bazaar in Lebak Bulus MRT station, so I munched on them while watching Poong’s cooking. The guests were the president and the first lady of Korea. how cool is that!

Day #21

(2/11)

  • CFD Walk
    It’s been a long time since we did CFD walk and we decided to do it today. The route this time was from Sudirman to SCBD. We left the apartment a little earlier than the usual CFD walk we did, but the MRT was still (if not even more) packed. I tried to jog during the walk a little bit (which I never did). I’ve been wanting to do cardio exercise but never gotten around to do it. I’m not made for cardio since my chest hurt quickly. I need to build endurance again.
  • Bakmi Sedjuk
    We went for Bakmi Sedjuk for breakfast. I originally ordered the Bakmi Tom Yam, only to be told 15 minutes later that it’s not available. I then switched to Nasi Tongseng Sei Sapi. The thing about Bakmi Sedjuk is that their service is bad. Not a lot off waiters on standby, long waiting time for the food, and apparently also late kitchen stock opname. 15 minutes wait to be told that what I ordered is not available. Pfft. The overall waiting time until our food was served was about 40 minutes! The food was good, though.
  • Nap
    Arrived home and nap. The nap went longer than we thought we’d have. Haha.
  • Laundry day
    Dropped laundry for the week.
  • Diamond
    Went shopping for some kitchen necessities.
  • Family mart
    I was hungry so we went in for the crispy chicken. I ordered it with rice and sambal geprek. It was sooo spicy my stomach hurt. My husband ordered the espresso ice cream. It was good! It was like a cup of espresso on top of the chocolate ice cream.
  • Netflix
    We watched 28 Weeks Later and finished the High Water series.

Day #20

(1/11)

  • Pilates
    Saturday is private Pilates day. Today we used the stability chair and mat. It was tough. Haha
  • Salt bread
    We queued for the salt bread. We ordered 12 pieces, 6 for us and 6 to bring home to my family. We ended up eating the salt bread for lunch so we didn’t find a place to eat and just go straight to my parents’ home.
  • Home
    We talked, we napped, we discussed the upcoming trip, we discussed my cousins, we did galon run, and mom bought us mie ayam because I was hungry haha.
  • Apt
    Went back to the apartment and watched Netflix. We finished The Agent (Legende). I still think it’s a bit overrated. We ordered in kebab for our dinner.

Day #19

(31/10)

  • KL Itinerary
    Spent the morning doing the KL trip itinerary
  • Stay at home
    My husband also work from home. He got his sandals stolen during the friday prayer at B3 so he walked back upstairs barefoot. Apparently he called me but I was in the bathroom and didn’t hear the phone ring.
    We had the telur tumis bawang kecap dish for lunch. Then I read a bit and nap. I didn’t remember what we had for dinner? We watched The Agent on Netflix, though.

Day #18

(30/10)

  • Pilates
    Did the same Pilates class as last week with the same instructor (she remembered me!). The class were more full today (5 persons) so the instructor wasn’t as attentive. I even saw her looked at her phone, smh. It was still an enjoyable class, though.
    Tried showering at the studio this time. It was clean and the water pressure was good.

  • PIM
    Went to PIM to spend my day. Initially wanted to maybe fix dim’s watch and find a cafe to read a book (among other things I did do) but didn’t do both but it’s okay, wasn’t a hard plan anyway.
    • Kiehls
      return my empties. the sales assistant wasn’t assistive and as friendly as I’m used to at Kiehls SMS. she kinda even ignored me returning my empties, she just accepted my empties and billed me for the new product I bought. when I told her I wanted to know how many empties I’ve returned (because I know I’ve returned a lot), she replied with “saya belum buka aplikasinya, kakak mau nungguin?”. I was like…yeah? weren’t you gonna put that on my account? smh. Turned out I’ve returned 10 empties so I’m eligible for freebies. She only gave me a travel size bottle. Haha. Before in SMS when I’ve returned empties, I got a full size serum, many sample sizes, and a pouch.
    • Lunch @Tom Sushi
      Chose sushi for lunch and it was a bit ew. Didn’t know why I ordered sashimi and a cheese sushi menu. I didn’t like cheese sauce. Still, I finished 5 plates total.
    • Et Cetera
      Went for a curious peek, ended up with one shirt that was on a sale. It was a good purchase.
    • Prayed
      Prayed at PIM 2’s musholla because I saw Skin+ clinic and was thinking to use my leftover treatment package. But I overheard a random ibu2 talked about how it was going to rain cats and dogs and just decided to do the treatment some other day.
    • Saturdays Lifestyle
      Tried their coffee which a friend of mine said similar to Blue Bottle’s coffee. It was a bit too syrup-y for me.

  • Read a book
    Spent the remaining afternoon reading a book at home until I was sleepy then I decided to learn geography on youtube so that I wouldn’t fall asleep

  • Learn Geography
    Watched about 4 videos. The first (main) video that I watched was only 9 minutes long, but I ended up spending about 90 minutes to finish it because I was doing research at the same time and was looking at my globe stress ball to make sense of all the locations. Haha.

  • Tried doing Barre but gave up after 5 mins
    I weighed myself confidently thinking I’ve lost weight this past couple of week, but found put I’ve gained more. Decided to find Barre videos on YouTube but I didn’t last even 5 minutes.

Day #17

(29/10)

Super slow day, started my day at noon, slept through the morning after seeing my husband off to the office.

  • Lunch
    Cooked chicken wings and sunny side up

  • Ukulele
    Played ukulele for a bit, but it’s a bit uncomfortable since I cut my nails (TIL)

  • Read a book
    Trying to finish Confession of an EHM by this week

  • Dinner
    Tried to make nuggets oseng bawang, but it tasted…a bit strange? I think the bawangs were a bit undercooked. heu

Day #16

(28/10)

  • Korean spa day!
    Tried korean spa at Yu Rirakkusu. Also tried their other service (forget what its called) as a bundled service to the korean body scrub. It was great, the whole thing. Some dead skins got lifted off after years of me not being able to scrub it off. 10/10 would come back again. Also found out that I really like the shampoo, so it’s now on my Shopee cart.

  • Lunch @Kina
    Had the penne chicken parmigiana @Kinna. It was a bit sweet. Originally planned to sit and read, but there was a crowd of people studying/working as a group so it wasn’t really comfortable.
    The cafe was decorated as spooky, but more like local spooky, in preparation for Halloween. I didn’t think the decor was interesting.

  • MRT trip home
    Read book to and from my day out. I really enjoyed reading on my commute (provided the commute is comfortable)

  • Dinner
    Made “mie” saus XO but the mie is made from pasta. I wanted to create the chinese noodle texture (noodle coated with eggs), but I didn’t know that the eggs were supposed to be added at the end, lol. I added at the beginning with small fire while directly adding the cooked pasta (because in my mind, that’s how it got coated??). Turned out as scrambled egg instead.

Day #15

(27/10)

  • Puasa
    Sahur with the meaty shortplate tumis XO

  • A whole day of cleaning the apartment
    kitchen, bathroom, sweeping and mopping the floor, the other bathroom, dead.

  • Block building
    Built the chinese small flowers blocks in between cleaning

  • Breakfast
    Had noodle hehe. Husband had the leftover daging tumis XO